Summer of 2009

That summer was the darkest time of my young life. I was broken and angry and hurt and empty. That’s when I started writing. I had something in me that I needed to get out. I needed to set myself free. I used to feel so broken that I would just sit in the middle of my bed and cry my heart out. Sometimes I would call my friend and just cry. Depression took over me without my permission. I was in a place I couldn’t get myself out of. I changed that summer. I became an angry person who would snap at anything. I felt lost, with no sense of direction. My parents actually went to a doctor to ask if it’s normal for me to be that way. Of course they didn’t know about what was going inside of me and not even my sister who lives with me in the same room. There was this night when I was lying awake in my bed and I literary felt like the air in my lungs was being sucked out. I sat up and started crying. In that summer I cried myself to sleep every night. Pretending to be fine in front of everyone I know became so normal. I realized that I had to get out of that state when my best friend told me that I have changed and that she can’t recognize the person I have become. To hear my best friend say that struck something in my heart. In that moment the pain that I was feeling was less than the strength I had in me. I vowed that I would be stronger than that. That’s when I started pouring all my emotions into my words. I kept writing until I felt better. I was wrong to keep all that anger within me. Keeping it inside changed me completely. The weight over my chest became less with every word I typed in or wrote down. I’m still not the person I used to be before the summer of 2009 but the person I am now is much wiser and stronger. I have my days like everyone else but I learned that I can’t stay stuck in one place. Life goes on and I have to keep up with it. My friends were always there for me and that helped me tremendously. Knowing that there is someone there that you can always depend on means everything sometimes. There are days when I get so depressed that I wouldn’t even want to get out of bed and sometimes I stay in bed, but I found things that make me want to live my life. Knowing that there will always be a pen and a paper and luckily a keyboard and a monitor, I can keep writing and draw strength through my words. Words can never fail me. The great writers who make fiction sound like reality and make reality sound like a fairy tale, make me believe that one day I can be great too.